Why I Talk To My Kids About SEX

Shelley S
762 days ago.
Why I Talk To My Kids About Sex

Sitting at the dinner table tonight, my sweet little 8-year old daughter turned to me and asked me if I’d ever had sex.

Imagine a scene in a movie where the whole plot comes screeching to a halt and someone’s mashed potatoes slowly fall from their gaping mouth–that’s about how I felt.

I somehow managed to maintain my composure and have an intelligent, age-appropriate conversation with her, as well as her six year old sister, about sex.  It lasted all of about 5 minutes until they somehow shifted the subject to playing hockey in gym class.

See, I grew up a “youth group” kid.  The only talk there ever was about sex was, “Don’t do it!” and certainly, if you were doing it, you never talked about it.  As a result, I didn’t actually know what happens until it was happening the first time.  I don’t think that I have to tell you, but that’s kind of a traumatic experience.  Sure, I went through sex ed class, but the extent of my paying attention was about being able to pass the quiz at the end.  After all, sex wasn’t something you do until you get married, right?

Let me be perfectly clear, I don’t blame the public school system for not teaching me about sex.  Honestly, I think that should be secondary to the parent’s education, and this is not an opinion piece on whether or not sex ed should be taught and what the curriculum should be; this is simply my position on why I feel it essential to talk to my kids about sex.

I’ve always tried to be very honest with my children.  I’ve chosen to treat them like miniature adults instead of incompetent little people.  I answer their questions to the best of my ability for their intelligence level.  If I didn’t answer their questions or acted weird when they asked me a question that made me uncomfortable (and trust me, there are plenty), then they might not feel comfortable asking me questions in the future.  I’d much rather be the one to hash out all of the hairy details about sex than for them to try and fumble through it with their peers who are equally ill-informed. As we all know, being informed is the best way to approach sex in a safe and positive way.  That’s not to say that I’m going to be discussing tantric positions or foreplay with my 6 and 8 year old, but when they ask where babies come from, they know it’s not a giant bird with a bundle in his beak.

They lead the conversation, they ask the questions, and I answer. When their curiosity is satiated, the conversation goes right back to their school day and mommy takes another swig of wine, because while I choose to be honest, it’s never easy.

I’m sure talking sex with your kids isn’t for everyone, but at least you can rest assured that if your kiddo is learning from their peers and my daughter is one of them, they’ll get accurate information.  If you’re brave enough to try it yourself, you can find some great information on how to talk to your kids about sex from Parenting.com.


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Shelley S

Shelley is a St. Louis native, but a nomad at heart and has lived in most areas of the city. She is mom to two miniature versions of herself that keep her laughing all the time. A self-professed fitness and nutrition junkie, you’ll usually find her at the gym or in the kitchen. One of her favorite things to do is take delicious recipes and make them healthy. Known for randomly busting into song and/or dance, Shelley has never turned down a challenge and secretly believes she can do anything.

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6 thoughts on “Why I Talk To My Kids About SEX”

  1. Bravo! I totally agree with you that if you act weird, they won’t ask when it’s important and it’s always important to them! Keep up the good work darling!

  2. Haha! I love this! I’m not a mom and the closest experience I have with questions kids ask is “Kids Say The Darndest Things” and Facebook posts my friends share, but imagining it from that point of view and the ‘shifting the topic to gym class hockey after 5 minutes’ makes me LOL. Good on you for not letting your kids believe stork nonsense or whatever other crazy things parents who can’t deal tell their kids. You’ll be my inspiration for some day when I have to answer and also my reminder to always have plenty of wine in stock. 🙂

  3. I love this. I also try to be honest, but not go into more detail than is necessary. Unfortunately, my 7 year old was introduced to pornogrophy by a neighbor friend who is a year older. That was quite the experience! Lots of questions were asked, lots of wine was consumed later, and a very interesting conversation was had with another mom who was not aware that her child was able to pull up he material on her tablet. All around it turned out ok, but it was definitely not how I planned to bring up the topic of sex or hat I would have to do it with my 7 year old! But I do know now that she was mature about it and that she will also be one of the kids that is properly informed! This parenting thing is never easy!!

  4. I’m with you, girl – I treat my boys like miniature adults too. I’m as honest as I can be, while still remaining age appropriate. There are definitely some majorly strange conversations at my house, but they always come to me when they have questions – and I hope they always do!

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