Last Letter

3697 days ago.

Dear Grandma,

I know you’re not reading this, but I’m writing it anyway.  I miss you.  The world didn’t skip a beat when you left, but my heart did.  Spring came just like it always does, but it was different for me.  Normally I walk outside astounded by the lush greens that surround me, the splashes of color from early blooming flowers, and the bluer-than-normal skies.  This Spring all I can wonder is what heaven looks like.  It must be really beautiful.

I do all sorts of things to keep memories of you fresh in my heart and in my mind.  And even though I know you wouldn’t want me to, I cry.  Zeke keeps asking when we’re going to take him to Jesus’ house.  We told him you went to live with Jesus.  He misses you too and wants to come visit.  We do our best to explain that heaven isn’t a place we can drive to.  Most of the time I think he understands better than we do. 

I feel like it’s getting harder to remember what your voice sounded like.  But I try really hard, I squeeze my eyes shut and think back to when I was little, and it usually comes back to me.  I smile when I hear you singing in my head.

You and I had a talk before you left.  Well, I talked and hopefully, you could hear me.  I just wanted to thank you for everything you ever did for me.  For everything you did for my little family.  Even though the world wakes up and goes to bed like normal, our lives are different.  And you were an absolutely beautiful person.

Although I pray it’s a long time from now, I look forward to seeing you again.  There are no good-byes.  So until then…