I’m not exactly sure whose brilliant idea it was to combine cold & flu season with the holiday season, but I’m pretty sure I’m putting him on my list. Right next to the guy that invented high heels, body wax, and built in bras (seriously, what good do they actually do??)! This season you may be tempted to give in to your symptoms and hide under the covers with a can of sprite and a Disney movie. But the life of a single girl is never over. Four out of five single girlfriends agree there is no rest for the fever inflicted and stuffy headed. The fifth girlfriend was stuck at Urgent Care. So powder that red stuffy nose and follow our tips for a stylish party season!
Everyone knows it’s just good ol’ fashion (haha, get it?) math: the number of inches on your heels + how much pain you’re in = how hot you are! If Rudolph had had a good pair of Jimmy Choos, you can bet those other reindeer would have been begging to play games.
#2: Pill boxes are the new clutch must have.
Don’t let grandma have all the fun! A little sparkle in your bag can class any outfit up. But be careful, you might leave everyone wondering if that blue pill was for you or your man!
#3: Pull out your favorite little black dress!
The plus side of having a fever is that you’re too hot to feel cold! While all the healthy girls are shivering and demanding their man’s jacket, you and your fever will be keeping things toasty and keeping the peace! Feel free to show off your best assets no matter what the weather. When your man compliments the best legs in town, you know he’s not talking about the turkey!
Not enough room in that sassy clutch for Grandma’s pill box AND the tissues? Gone are the days of hiding the Kleenex in your bra; that is like so 2005! Besides, with your fever you’ll probably need to leave those tissues with the ladies to wage the war against the dreaded boob sweat, even in your LBD. Instead, weave a quick tissue bracelet. Ball up a tissue and pin it to your dress like a flower. Broaches are back baby! Fashion an 80’s style headband out of toilet paper (pro tip: don’t forget the bow!) When someone asks what’s up, glare at them and say, “Lady Gaga is my b%#@$!”
#5: Ignore your pounding headache and head somewhere LOUD.
It may seem counter-intuitive, but concerts, clubs, and packed bars are your best bets right now! Basically any place with enough noise to cover up your hacking cough. If everyone around you is jamming along with the band no one will even notice you coughing up a lung. No choice but to grace a quaint dinner party with your glamorous presence? Take a date from your D-list and make him loudly introduce himself, “HI! MY NAME IS DAN!” to the nearest person whenever you grab his arm. Assure him that he will get bonus points if he does it in slow motion to give you extra mucous clearing time. He’s sure to be eager to please!
When you’re out at dinner, don’t just order a hot tea with honey, try adding honey to a Long Island Tea! It adds a whole new level of class and you’ll have a little more pep in your step in no time! Not a tea girl? Try adding a little sprite and jolly rancher to your cough syrup. It will be so good you will be sippin’ on that syrup even when you’re feeling one hundred percent. Bonus points for pouring it up in your own bejazzled glass!
#7: Tis’ the season to sparkle!
No seriously, donning something shiny can not only deflect from your shiny nose and haggard appearance, but it also works great as a distraction technique. Need to sneeze? Twerk that sequined skirt so no one will even notice your face!
#8: Use your new mistle-tone.
Your voice may get a little lower and nasally with that cold but you shouldn’t let a little thing like that ruin a karaoke night! Your new man-voice could mean an extra sexy version of “Santa Baby,” and is sure to have that special someone in your life hurrying down the chimney. Hey, it worked for Phoebe Buffay!
Odds are if you’re a single girl these days you already have the starving thing down pat. The last thing you need is the stomach flu to keep you from shoving your face full of pizza and donuts. In fact, the break from cravings is actually the one welcome side effect in your vat of disgusting symptoms. And they don’t call it dance fever for nothing! Bust a move and you just might break it…or a hip, but hey, at least you looked good trying!
#10: Be a tease…at least with your hair!
Take a page out of your Texas girlfriends book and follow their motto: “The higher the hair the closer to God.” Even though you may not want a closer relationship with the divine when you feel like you are on death’s door, your mountain of tresses will provide a welcome distraction to those around you. Plus you’ll feel a little more like a classy diva and less like the bride of Hades.
Try them all at once or mix and match your strategy as needed! Hopefully you can ring in the New Year happy and healthy, surrounded by friends and loved ones. But if not, this single girl has got your back!