People who know me well would be shocked to see me with my dog. In fact, I think it still catches my husband off guard sometimes. I’ve always fancied myself more of a cat person, then I got a companion dog with some serious issues and all I want to do is make her happy. The first 9 months we owned her I was uncertain if she had a tail. It was so tightly tucked at all times. She was afraid of everything. I took her out to get the mail with me one day and she had a doggy panic attack because the wind blew a leaf in our direction.
She is beautiful and shy and like a mother who tries to buy the affection of their children, I just can’t seem to stop by buying her crap (odd because I never do this for my children). Here’s a rundown of some of the dog toys, treats, and other items I’ve bought just in the last couple of months. I like to call it. . .
Crap I Buy My Dog To Make Her Love Me!
- This past Sunday I was irate, guaranteed Saturday delivery…smh. Well, until the postman came on Sunday and brought this baby. To protect my hands I thought a tennis ball on a rope would do the trick. Result: She will chase it when thrown, but still prefers to gnaw on my hands….damn. It is also smaller than I expected but I don’t blame Amazon; I’m not the best at reading directions.
- The JW treat tower. This is actually the 2nd one I’ve purchased. My fault, I left the first one out without any treats, only treat dust, and so she had to shred it to get to the little particles inside. Result: She loves this, but even on the hard setting she has the whole thing emptied in a few seconds.
- Weird treat hiding thing. Another thing to stimulate her playful mind. Result: She discovered the very first time that the most effective way to get out the treats is just to pick the whole thing up and turn it over…she’s a smart one.
- Another weird treat hiding thing. Result: this one she can’t just flip over, but it still is emptied in 5 seconds flat so I might as well just hand her the treats.
- Of course I bought her a KONG! Result: I’ve got no idea why these things are so popular. Her freakishly long tongue has all the treats out in one lick and she has zero interest in it beyond that.
- After a year she finally plays fetch and she is wicked fast so of course I took the logical step of buying a Chuck It. Result: She does not appreciate the Chuck It. She drops the ball about 20 feet away, fearful that I am going to beat her with her toy (I’ve never even yelled at this dog). I’m not going to mention how many tennis balls I’ve purchased…it’s embarrassing.
- This roller dog thing was a hit. I highly recommend it to anyone who has a dog without teeth. Result: You guessed it. Torn to shreds within minutes…probably seconds. Little flecks of colorful rubber in her poop.
- The Everlasting Treat Ball: I was sure that I had a winner here. Result: Apparently the creator of this has never seen Willy Wonka because their “everlasting” treat only lasts about 7.2 minutes on average. After two tries I got sick of buying replacements and the toy has been forgotten about under the desk.
With all this destruction I must take a moment to mention that I do not own a Pit Bull or Rottweiler; my dog is fully grown at about 30 pounds but she can destroy.
- Last but certainly not least is the Kong Wild Split Elk Antler. Antlers are not cheap so I was reluctant on this one. Result: Finally a real winner! I used to buy her pork femur bones which would be gone in an hour or less, until I recently read a very scary article. After over a week the antler is still going strong and she chews on it everyday.
I’m certain this won’t be the end of my list. I already my eye on several other items including a falcon glove to protect her favorite dog toys of all times…my hands.
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