Things That Will Make You Look Stupid in 2012. . . Part 1

Ryan
2766 days ago.

Some people say I complain a lot. I prefer to reason that I have quite a few pet peeves and blame my hotel background for finding the majority of the general population slightly annoying. I have come up with a list of these things as more of a public service announcement. Reading the title of this post, you may think I am mean and a general $#&$#. Actually, some people unfortunately probably think that about me. In reality, I don’t think these things necessarily imply a person is stupid. I just think that doing these things make people think slightly less of you if they are paying attention. Think of this PSA as not calling the offenders out in a mean way, but being forceful enough to do the world a favor and get the point across.

Men wearing skinny jeans
If you want to wear Spandex, then just go ahead and do it.  Don’t try to get your kicks by wearing jeans that look ridiculous.

Using “Reply All” instead of replying to the applicable folks

This just happened yesterday in our office. An email went out that listed some promotions within the company.  Next thing ya know, our staff email accounts are flooded with people saying “Congratulations”. Either 1) take the time to figure out who you are sending to or 2) take the time to think if you are wasting everyone’s time. If 2) is the case, you should probably apply that same thought process to other things in your life.  People might like you more.

Sending Out Mass Texts

If we don’t exchange text messages on a normal basis, I really don’t want you clogging up my phone with a “Merry Christmas” text you send to 500 people in your phone.  If we do text on a normal basis and you pull this on me, I will end whatever association we have on the grounds of disrespect.   This could be because I don’t understand how to send mass texts, but I am pretty sure it’s because I find it stupid.  If we see each other in person or talk on the phone, the “Merry Christmas” is acceptable, but pointless mass texts make me not want to exchange any texts with you in the near future.

Telling Me A Bar Isn’t “Fun Enough” For You

If you are the kind of person who does this, I suggest you either develop some social skills, get a cat and take up knitting, or just stay in your parent’s basement and play whatever those kids play now.  It’s one thing if you don’t like a place because of XYZ, but to tell me that it isn’t “fun enough”?  That tells me that either you need new friends or people just don’t want to go out with you.

Using The SceneTap App

This goes right along with the last one.  SceneTap isn’t available in St. Louis yet, but you’ll get the picture. It works by putting a camera near the front door and using some weird magic computer code to determine the mix of males/females, sexes, and ages in the bar at a given time.  My theory is if you have to join a good time already in progress and can’t create your own, you should stay home.  I’m not sure if this was the intended goal of the company, but I think the best use of SceneTap is to know where I don’t want to go.

Writing Lengthy Yelp Reviews

Not all lengthy Yelp reviews are bad, but the majority seem to be from people who fancy themselves professional reviewers.  Again, the side benefit of this is that people who actually care about your review are probably the kind of people who make restaurant staffers and regulars alike want to throw them off a bridge. So, thank you Yelp Elites for keeping others of your kind from places that aren’t up to your stupid standards. 

Using Exclamation Points

Back in the day when I thought I was going to be a reporter I got some good advice. ‘Are you writing for a high school yearbook?  Then, don’t use exclamation points.” Now, I’m still in a profession where I will never have enough money to retire, but at least I can look down on people who use exclamation points.

Planning Your Own Birthday Festivities

All of us have gotten the Facebook invite or text, “OMG, I’m turning 20-whatever. Dinner will be at such and such time then we will go here, here and here.  I hope you all can make it”  Odds are, you have friends.  Drop a hint about what you want to do and someone will step up to put something on.  If that’s not the case, text a couple people saying “hey, I want to go to dinner. You in?”  Then, see where the night takes you.  Real friends will step up and be there for you on your day.  Think of it as a great time to figure out who your real friends are.  What if you don’t have any?  Go to the nearest casino and hope your luck is better than your ability to pick friends.

Constantly Complaining About Dating

If you utter the words “all the good ones are taken” about males or females, I will immediately throw you into the emotionally unstable category.  I’m not saying I am a relationship whiz, clearly I am not.  I do know that the right one for you will come when you aren’t looking.  If you make it known you are looking for XYZ and that’s pretty much it, then I will put you on equal footing with a fraternity rush who just wants to get all the free partying he can in.  I didn’t want you in my chapter and I don’t want to waste money on you at dinner.

Not Stepping Away To Take A Call

I don’t care to hear one side of your conversation and I don’t care how important you think you are.  If you have to take the call, you need to step away from people as  a common courtesy. If not, I may say something awkward within earshot of the phone.  This could be about 1) your non-existent fiance or children 2) your various diseases or 3) your obvious douchiness. And it doesn’t matter if I know you or not.

People Who Say They Hate Country Music

News flash: The only people who think you are cool for saying that are on the same level as you.  Please do everyone a favor and only talk to your own kind.

Do you have your own pet peeves?  Do you think I am a complete idiot and mean?  Did you miss the point of my article and want to call me names?  Just please refrain from curse words.


P.S. I started to include things that make you look stupid while using social media.  Then, I realized that I could compile a whole list on those alone.  So, Part 2 of “Things That Wll Make You Look Stupid in 2012” will be just that. Get excited.

 

Post Brought To You By: Mills Properties
Photo Courtesy of Iwgat

Ryan

Ryan is a weird dude. He doesn't cook, yet owns a plethora of kitchen gadgets. He rationalized buying a SodaStream while unemployed. He counts Step Up 2: The Streets as one of his favorite movies along with Footloose, Rent, Grease and Paul Blart: Mall Cop. He loves Mizzou but only wants them in the SEC so he can tailgate in Nashville. He owns a ShakeWeight and AbLounger, but still loves him some John Donut and Billie's Fine Foods. You can get more of Ryan at iLoveSoulard.com or just check the stool on the far end of the bar at iTap in Soulard.

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