I decided cold turkey wasn’t the way to go and thought that to take the edge off the patch was the way to go.  Slap that puppy on and forget about it.  I was surprised at how much it burned when I put one on.  A feeling similar to icy hot.  I was totally shocked when getting ready to go out Saturday night I pulled off the patch and had a bright bright red square emblazoned on my skin.  It looked like I had been branded.  I checked the other spots I had applied patches and sure enough I looked like I had been attacked by a branding iron, a one inch square one.  I’m not so sure my ultra sensitive skin can take the pain of the patch, days later the burn is still there.

Saturday night was our first adventure out since quitting.  I must say, HAVE A PLAN!!!  Stick to that plan.  A few drinks into the evening, there I was, outside bumming a smoke.  Now I’ve had people bum smokes off of me when they’ve said they were quiting.  It’s uncomfortable to say no, especially to a stranger.  Smoking is a communal activity to smokers.  We chat during smoke breaks at work and meetings, friendships are formed outside of bars with the simple act of sharing a light or giving a cigarette to the person who is out.  Smoking breaks up our day and is an automatic bond with strangers we meet outside.  It provides breaks and stress relief.  There really is so much more than just the nicotine addiction.  When the decision is made to quit smoking you really are committing to a whole life change.

This is not the end for me, it easily could be.  The end of the story, I tried and failed.  It won’t be.  Nate said to me that he’d be sad to see me not suceed and I know that this is for my benefit and not his.  He called me out on smoking again, this is big, this is a man who never calls anyone out on anything he feels people make decisions for themselves.  He repeated to me that he will be fine through the craziness and moodiness and the temporary disappearance of the woman he loves becuase it is worth it.  I have so much respect for that, so much that his next point hit really close to home.  Him putting up with all of that is only worth it if I quit.

I’m going to take the suggestions in the comments from my first post and invest in an electronic cigarette for those times when I feel compelled to bum, or those moments when I feel like a lunatic that needs to be strapped down.

Photo courtesy of www.mnddc.org

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Melissa Jensen

Melissa is a native of the Greater St. Louis region. She is addicted to anything Google, and cannot understand why motion activated paper towel dispensers never see her hands.

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